I feel like at least 80% of the time, I’m in a limbo of feeling like I’m not doing nearly enough to reach my goals and also feeling totally overwhelmed and wanting to power-down and quit. It’s kind of confusing, to say the least.
Yesterday was one of those days completely. I had a list of things I really needed and even wanted to get done, but only ended up getting one done. Even the vaguest idea of trying to do another thing on the list or even anything that could be considered productive – I threw up a wall. A wall that resulted in me laying down all day, taking naps, and not being the shining star I normally try to be. On one hand, I do believe that everyone needs those days sometimes. Normally, however, those days come after weeks of pure exhaustion and working yourself raw.
I have not been working myself raw, to be honest with you. I haven’t been doing a lot of things I’m extremely proud of. I’ve been doing lots of stuff that requires little to no effort and the chances of getting distracted are very high. There is some kind of pattern to my feeling this way, however, and I’ll figure it out. I kinda have no choice.
Anyway, my weird sulky feelings and days aren’t the reason I’m making this post. The reason is: how do you know you’re doing enough? The last time I felt like I was doing everything I possibly could was during the Dia De Los Muertos project. But was that just because my days were filled from day to night? Staying busy is good. It keeps you moving and it keeps your blood pumping! But is staying busy the same as doing enough to reach your dreams? If I was booked every day from now until Christmas would that be furthering me to being a professional, full time, Fine Art Photographer (who travels and plays drums on the side, of course)? Perhaps if some percentage of the shoots were Fine Art shoots, it would be.
For the past couple of months, something I’ve been busying myself with is teaching an after-school photography class at the middle school in town. This is a really good example of what I was just trying to explain. It’s something that I enjoy doing, it keeps me busy, it has to do with photography – great, right? And it is, really! But just like if day after day I was doing portraiture work, event photography, stock photos, I’d be doing what I loved doing, but not what made me feel happiest. Even so, I haven’t been able to shake the feeling of, “too much is going on, too much is going on!” in my everyday life. May that be from me freaking myself out or the two upcoming projects I have planned, I don’t know!
I think what I’m getting at here is that I’ve finally poked on what the problem is.
- Doing things to fill your day isn’t going to get you anywhere.
- I’m not anywhere closer to fulfilling my dreams than I was the last time I checked in – and that’s bothering me.
- Regardless of how busy you are, happiness is still key, and you find happiness in the things that make you feel alive.
Man. Well. Talk about getting real here, huh?
Today is a new day, though. And I genuinely hope that if you can relate to any of these feelings, you recognize that too. Every day is a new day and it’s a chance to change and make yourself feel how you want to feel. Apparently, for me, how I start that day is with a piping hot cup of coffee and making a blog post for the first time in five months. We all have our ways.
Oh, and, and and! I am very excited to post about the new projects soon. Information will be coming! If you want more regular updates than the ones you get from here, you can like my Facebook Page or follow me on Flickr. See? Good things!
And once again, I will find comfort in the words of Dave Grohl.
Thank you for reading. Spread love. Be badass. xoxoxoxo.